Gone but not forgotten

1 Comment » // September 19th, 2009

This past week I found out that someone I knew from the cult I was involved with has left. Apparently, he went out for milk one day and didn’t come back. This man was someone who’d been involved with the cult leader for longer than I had and who had lived at the remote fishing lodge that she owns for almost 20 years.

He was a gentle man when I knew him; quiet and sincere. Let’s call him John. He worked very hard for the cult leader at the lodge, building cabins and doing renovations and for years also had a second job at a lumber mill nearby. John was consecutively married to two women (that I’m aware of) in the cult in the ongoing game of Musical Beds that our leader played (a practice I discuss in detail in Chapter Seven of my book).

And now he’s out in the big wide world on his own. I’m very happy that he is free and I wonder what life is like after two decades of isolation and abuse at the hands of a cult guru.

Leaving any cult is an isolating experience. It certainly was in my case. Former cult members have often been out of contact with their families for years and have most certainly lost track of friends from pre-cult days. In John’s case this will have been exacerbated too because of the remoteness of where the fishing lodge is located. Once he drove out of the driveway, he would have had to choose a new town or city to live in and then find work. Not easy things to do when you haven’t earned any money for 20 years (“employees” at the guru’s lodge are never paid for their around-the-clock work). And he certainly can’t use the cult leader as a reference when he applies for new jobs.

I think of him, driving down the lonely highway, leaving behind everything he believed in and the people he loved and the guru he served for all those years. Did he take any of his belongings with him or did he seize the opportunity of being sent out on an errand and just go? Had he been waiting for this opportunity to show up or was it a spur of the moment decision?

I am so happy that he is finally free but I worry that he is alone and lost and doesn’t have anyone to turn to.

John, I hope you know who you are by my description here. If you’re out there and you need help, please contact me. My sister in recovery and I will do anything we can to help you. (You know her – she lived at the lodge with you for a couple of years.) I hope you’re doing well – if you are please just let us know that.

Take care of yourself. I am SO happy that you are free.