Recovery is Lonely Work

Comment now » // January 6th, 2010

I was reminded today how lonely cult recovery work is.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a LOT of support available to anyone who is met with the challenge of recovering from a mind control situation. There are books, like Steve Hassan’s Combatting Cult Mind Control or Janja Lalich and Madeline Tobias’ Take Back Your Life. There are cult information specialists like Joe Szimhart and counselors like Rosanne Henry who specialize in working with cult survivors. There’s the International Cultic Studies Association and Wellspring Retreat and Resource Center. There are conferences and workshops and libraries and the internet (!) which, despite its flaws, has made the sharing of information and resources for topics like this instant and available to almost anyone, anywhere in the world.

And yet, at the bottom of it all, we each still need to do the work by ourselves. Alone in our own minds, deciding what is true and what is real and what we believe is right for us. No one can help us when we lie awake at night, wondering these things. Wrestling with the big, BIG, questions about God and life and truth.

I remember that after I left the cult I was involved with, I spent years not knowing anything. I had absolutely and unconditionally trusted the guru that I had followed, and in the end it turned out I had been lied to and manipulated. So that left me with a terrible fear that I would never be able to trust myself about anything again. Ultimately, that was a trust that I had to build up myself. The experts and books and articles were my support system and they did an astonishing amount to help me rebuild myself: I couldn’t have done it without them. However, in the dark of night, lying on my back staring at nothing, it was me who had to answer the big questions for myself. For a long time I didn’t have any answers (I often still don’t) but what I did develop was the practice of gathering information and then turning to myself to find an answer. This was NOT something my guru had encouraged.

So, that is the gift. Yes, cult recovery work is lonely. BUT hopefully, what it does, is teach each of us to come home to ourselves. With practice we learn to trust our own internal compass. I believe this is the ultimate gift life can offer. And for this reason I am grateful that my cult experience led me to search for this gift.